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It’s amazing the things that are coming together lately — and coming apart, to be honest.  This is the most stressful time in my entire life.  Even getting pregnant, quitting my job & moving 1000 miles away with a 2 year old, 2 cats, and a dog — even that experience seems like a drop in the bucket compared to the anxiety that has flooded me with the adoption. 

Good news — Guo’s room is done!  Jack and Margaret even picked out books for their new brother’s shelf.  Sheets are on the bed.  Baby clothes are out of the attic, washed, folded, and in drawers.  Sippy cups & toddler dishes are ready to use.  I went to the travel clinic this morning and got my Hep A, Typhoid, T-dap, and Flu vaccines.  Visa applications are in the works.  Legal papers have been drafted for my mom to seek any medical or dental care necessary for the kids while we’re gone.  Our wills are finally at the lawyer’s office.  We’re actually starting to look over packing lists!

Crazy news — Margaret failed 2 vision tests at school and probably needs glasses.  What?????   We’re doing research to find the best place to take her for eye tests and glasses & she even got to try on some sample frames at Target this weekend.  Guess which ones she liked best . . . the Barbie ones!

Also in the works — Jack’s football team ended up in 3rd place, so now we go into playoffs.  Football will be a week-by-week thing as he advances or does not advance in playoffs.  Our possible trip home for Thanksgiving is up in the air.  Partly due to playoffs, partly due to finances, partly due to uncertainty as to when our Travel Approval will come.  We’re doing the best we can to plan our trip to China without knowing when we will actually travel.  (Easier said than done.)  I’ve been talking to families in our travel group, so I know our ideas of itinerary line up.  Thank goodness! 

I had an epiphany about why I am so tearful all of the time.  I keep reading about the grieving process for adoptees & adoptive parents.  This morning, as I cried all the way from home to the travel clinic, I realized that I have been grieving not being Guo’s birth mommy.  This is more heartbreaking than I realized it could be.  I never felt him kick or stretch or flutter in my womb.  I did not get to nurse and cuddle him, as I did with his siblings.  No hospital stay, no maternity clothes, no history.  I know that God has intended me to be Guo’s mommy since, well forever, but I feel so sad that I have missed 3 years of my son’s life.  I will never see the face he was born with, since his cleft lip was repaired when he was 4 months old.  The good thing is I am realizing what I am feeling & now can allow myself to be sad so that I can be a better parent to Guo when he grieves his losses. 

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The Fed Ex guy just drove away.  Our LOA is in my hands right now . . . but not for long.  As soon as Brad gets home from work we’ll sign it and take it up to Kinkos to Fed Ex back to Oregon. 

And just for fun, we took pictures of some after-school artwork today, too!

“Fashion Girl”, by Margaret    and    “Cherry Explosion” by Jack

Featured below, creating their works of art:

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We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy…

Colossians 1:11

All I can say is that this weekend was like an giant sigh of relief.  We are in.  He will be ours.  We are Guan Zhi Guo’s parents.  Thank you God!  What a burden has been lifted from our shoulders as we busy ourselves with preparations for our upcoming travel.  And we celebrated.

On Friday, Margaret and I went to the dollar theater to see Ratatouille and the boys went to see the big cross town rivalry football game.  Saturday, Jack had a football game (a loss, sadly, but still an exciting game) and Brad’s dad brought the cousins to watch.  After, they all came back to our house for lunch and an afternoon of front-yard football and SWIMMING.  Yes, to all of our family up north, we were swimming on October 20.  Y’all are welcome to come visit if you’d like.  Sunday afternoon, we celebrated a Bengals VICTORY with Brad’s dad and Brad’s cousin and his son.  Darren is 13, so I daydreamed all afternoon about when Jack is that age and has a pip squeak little brother wrestling all over him.  It made my day.

Today it’s raining, but the good kind of rain.  The kids just put their hoods up and walked up to school without their umbrellas.  I understand that when you’re 5 & 7, it’s fun to get a little wet on the way into school.  I’m headed up in a little while to work in the book fair and then help in the kindergarten pod. 

I can’t wait to write that I have our LOA in our hand.  I’ll try to take a picture & post it for you if I can. 

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We received an email from our agency today that our LOA is on our way.  If you are like my awesome mom who says, “I don’t know what that means, but I’m so happy for you!” then here’s a brief description.

LOA is actually Letter Seeking Acceptance to Adopt (or something very similar.  I’ll correct this later if it’s not exactly right).  It means:

1. our dossier has been received and approved by China
2. our child is still available for adoption
3. we are officially matched with this child

Right now, our official paperwork is in the process of being sent from China.  Our agency in Portland, Oregon should receive it on Monday or Tuesday.  When they receive their package, they will call us to confirm and then overnight it to us.  We sign and overnight it back to them.  They ship it back to China.  Then we wait again, this time for Travel Approval and a consulate appointment in China. 

I hope this makes sense.  Poor Brad, he admitted that it doesn’t even make sense to him.  But I have been obsessing over this since last November, so it’s about as clear as having a c-section when I was preparing to have Jack.  I feel pretty prepared, but nervous about all of the unknowns. 

And one quick thank you to my awesome girlfriend Lorraine who RAN from her front door to be the first one to hug me when I got the good news this morning.  And thank you to EVERYONE who has praying for our family.  Whenever someone tells me they have been praying for us, I am so humbled and thankful.  I could not do this without God, our friends, and our family!

Thank you God.  I have never given up believing that you would make this happen, and I feel so blessed for continuing to trust that we would have Guo in our arms on Christmas morning.  You are so good and I am so unworthy.  

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  I saw several early July LIDs getting their LOAs today. I even read news of a family in our Dong Guan yahoo group with a Log In Date 4 days ahead of ours that received LOA today.  This is very encouraging!  Wow, to think we could possibly receive our Acceptance this week is beyond believable –  I had just finished explaining to Jack that we might not have his brother home for Christmas, but I’d love to be made a liar about this!  It is worth mentioning that the China special needs program does not always issue these letters in chronological order, but I see ANY progress as GOOD progress!

Also encouraging, a family from our agency that is also adopting from Dong Guan SWI received their travel approval today & will be leaving on 10/27 to get their son.  This is good news because it is another opportunity for Heritage’s China liaison to visit the orphanage and request updates/photos of Guo.  (Hopefully that will go better than last month!)

Today Margaret and I were putting some things away in Guo’s closet.  She wandered over to the little backpack we bought to give him in China & took out the stuffed leopard the kids and I picked out together a few months ago.  I watched as she took “Pokey” (as the kids have named him) and gently held the toy up to her cheek.  And, yes, it made me cry again.  So many people ask me how much Jack and Margaret understand about the adoption & how they feel about it.  Without a doubt, I can see that they both truly understand & feel the pain of this wait, just as Brad and I do.  Margaret now draws her little brother into family pictures & tonight Jack and I edited a photo of him & his cousins together with a picture of Guo.  He asked me to label it “BFF” (best friends forever) in black marker on the front.  This kid is an amazing big brother!

Today before football, Jack and I were having some quiet time together and he confided that he finally told his friends at school about his brother.  So far, he hadn’t talked about it to anyone who didn’t already know (like family our babysitting friends).  According to him, he asked his teacher for permission ahead of time, then raised his hand during an appropriate time in class.  He said his friends had a lot of questions, like where & when and things like that.  I am proud of Jack for being able to sort out his own feelings enough that he can share this with his friends finally.  That will really help him when travel time comes. 

So enough for one day.  I’m hoping to be back soon with good news, anyway!

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